Well, that was unexpected . . .

I’ve just gone for a meeting at the Neo Natal Unit that Moo was born at nine and a half years ago. I was going to meet a wonderful lady, Pauline, who is one of the founding members of the phenomenal charity, Born Too Soon. I have recently joined Octopus For A Preemie UK in order to give back to a charity and hospital to whom I owe so much.

Anyhoo, off I toddle without a care in the world, to the NNU to meet Denise and Pauline. I climbed the stairs to the first floor of the Maternity Unit and went up to the desk, at which point I started to feel a bit funny. I was directed to the Neo Natal Unit, went in and met up with Pauline, which was lovely. She asked me to wash my hands, as you would expect, and, as I am standing at the sink doing so, I start to violently shake and burst into tears. No thoughts were driving this reaction, it was just a full body meltdown. It was a bit embarrassing. When I turned around, Pauline took one look at me and gave me a big hug.

It turns out that while my conscious mind was happily going about its business, my subconscious mind was screaming “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU LUNATIC?”.

Luckily for me, Pauline and Denise and everyone else who was looking at me did not think I was a lunatic. They explained that it might have been nearly ten years ago but the first time back in that unit was always going to be hard for me. After a few minutes, the whole thing abated and we were taken around the unit and I got to see first hand why I was there in the first place. The babies were so tiny and fragile, something Moo never looked. I also clocked the cotspace that Moo had been in. It was painful and healing at the same time.

Pauline mentioned to one of the nurses that my daughter had been on the unit and on hearing her first name, the nurse said “oh you mean,  . . . ” and promptly said her full name! Then she explained that she was on duty that day and remembers Moo perfectly. I said how is that possible with the amount of babies she had looked after ever since. “We remember the ones who cause absolute havoc”, she says. Sums Moo up perfectly.

I am now more inspired to take the pain and frustration of crocheting an octopus. I’ve been crocheting for a number of years now and this is the most technical thing I have ever attempted but every time that I want to give up because it is just so hard, I’ll just picture Amy and Emily, the tiny twins that I just saw, and all the babies like them who need these desperately.